Hiccups
by Unproductivity
Summary: Yohji's singing Shania Twain, Omi's mixing peanut butter with vinegar, and Ken, well... poor Ken. ^_^ Rated PG for Yohji and Ken's dirty mouths.


Authors Notes:  Well, I thought this up a little while ago, and finally finished it.  I used a page titled, "A Cure for Hiccups (A Cure for Hiccoughs)" for my cure ideas.  I don't remember the URL, sorry.  Um… there's a bit of shounen-ai in here.  But of course, it's Weiß.  Anyway, read and enjoy.

                Aah, holidays.  The exact holiday?  I dunno.  The shop was closed, I didn't have to work, that's about all I know.  I turned the CD player up a little bit with one hand, and continued combing my blond hair into a small ponytail.  I love this song.  I have no idea what it's about, it's all English.  I found the CD in Omi's room a few weeks ago, and thought I'd give it a try.  Hey, it's a hot chick singing, and it's catchy.  "_Man, I feo rike a wo mon." I love singing into my comb/mike. I don't even know what I'm singing. But it's fun.  Anyway, since the shop was closed, the other guys were off as well.  My plans for the day?  Just sit around and hang out with them. _

                Well, not Aya.  His grumpiness tends to rub off on me.  Then nobody wants to hang out with me.  _That's no fun.  'Course, his grumpiness doesn't __literally rub off.  That would really be weird.  But, you know, it's hard to talk to someone who just 'Hn's.  It's like, 'How ya doin' Aya?' 'Hn.' 'You want to go get something to drink, Aya?' 'Hn.' 'Mind if I poke ya, Aya?' 'Hn.' Then he gets all mad at me when I poke him.  _

                Eh, forget Aya.  Omi and Ken are more fun to hang out with.  Omi's fun to hang out with, cause I can tease and pick on him.  He knows I'm kidding of course.  I'm not _that mean.  It's not like I tease him about anything serious.  I just tease him about being short, pretty, and still single.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not a shota-con. I ain't after the kid or anything.  _

                Ken's fun to hang out with 'cause the guy's always happy.  Omi's always happy too, but sometimes Omi can be _too happy.  Kinda makes you sick.  Ken's also good at coming up with things to take up some time.  He's great at making up all kinds of games.  They usually require a lot of agility, but being in Weib, we're all in pretty good shape.  Ken's in better shape than the rest of us, since he still practices soccer, so he's got a bit of an advantage.  Ah well, I don't care.  _

                Basically, I decided to find Ken and Omi and _they'd_ figure out something fun to do.  I walked into the living room.  I really don't know why it's called a 'living room'.  We don't "live" there very much.  It's just where our T.V., VCR, and game systems are.  Plus a couch, a computer for Omi, a coffee table, (none of us drink coffee - except maybe Aya) and two recliners.  It's a great place to just lounge, ya know, if you got the time.  

                I was greeted by a "Good morning, Yohji-kun!" to which I replied with, "What up, 'Chibi'?".  Omi used to hate it when I called him that, but I think he just ignores it now.  He was on the computer, as per usual, so I hoped Ken was awake.  Maybe I could watch some cartoons with him.  I was surprised to find that Omi was the only one in the room.  

                "Where's everyone else?"  I asked.

                "Aya-kun said he'd be back this afternoon."

                "Oh, okay.  Wait, where'd he go?" 

                "Dunno."  Figures.

                "Well then, where's Ken?"  He's the one I really wanted at the moment anyway.

                "He hasn't come down yet."  

                Hmm... Mr. Bright Sunshine isn't awake before Mr. Lazy-Limps-A-Lot?  Yeah, I came up with his nickname, and he came up with mine.  Ken likes to get up early with a bright smile, so I call him "Bright Sunshine".  As for my nickname, well... I kinda pushed off one of my shifts to Ken because of my "limp" that "acts up" every now and then.  Ken's such a nice guy, he covered for me.  Of course, I didn't really have a limp; it was more like a desperate cry for more sleep.  I think if I had to pick someone to be my very best friend, I think I'd have to pick Ken. "Maybe I should go check on him."

                "Check on who?" I turned and saw Ken leaning against the frame of the doorway.  He was wearing one of his huge soccer jerseys and jean-shorts.  Strange, I thought Omi was the only guy in the world who wore shorts.  Oh well, Ken looked good in them.  

                "Hey Ken!" I greeted, smiling at him.  Instead of replying, he just weakly smiled back and waved.   Hmm.  That's not like Ken. "What's wrong?" I asked.

                I must have scared him or something, cause he jumped.  Kindof a weird jump, though.  It was like his whole body wanted to jump, but his feet were planted firmly in the plush, gray carped of our "living" room.  Strange.  Then a thought occurred. Can people have limbs jump randomly?  Like your arm jumping, or maybe a foot?  Or would that be more of a twitch?  

                Eh, my brain works in weird ways. Probably has to do with all of the alcohol I drink.  Or maybe it was those pink strawberry Hello Panda cookies I found in Omi's room one day.  Could explain a few things.  They tasted good though.  I wonder if there's a chocolate Hello Panda cookie out there.   I like strawberry, but I prefer chocolate. Yum. I guess I'd have to look in Ken's room for that.  I think he prefers chocolate too.  That's another thing we have in common.  

                While I pondered all of this, Ken's upper torso jumped again.  Or maybe it twitched.  It'd have to be one hell of a twitch, though.  The difference this time, however, is that a sound escaped his mouth.  It sounded kinda like 'Ick', or like when a fangirl glomps him and squeezes the breath outta him.  Poor guy.  

                There are two fangirls in particular who tend to glomp the stuffing's outta him, a purple haired girl, and a white haired girl.  Not that the white haired girl is really old or anything.  Heh, she tends to prefer me over Ken.  That makes me feel all warm and squishy inside.  Yay! I'm loved!  

                "Ken?" 

                "Ken-kun, are you all right?" Omi turned from his beloved computer to look at Ken.

                Ken opened his mouth, and I think he was going to say something, but instead, he jumped again and "Hic'ed".  I could tell he did not want to do that, because he started to blush.  Lemme tell ya something.  When this kid blushes, he turns as red as... as Aya's hair.  Well, maybe not quite that red.  If that were actually possible, I'd like to see it.  Ken's tan kinda dilutes the blush. Dilutes?  Is that the right word?  Oh well.  

                Anyway, I knew what the problem was now.  I sidled over to Ken and rested my elbow on his shoulder and leaned on him a bit.  I grinned and asked, "Got the hiccups, Kenken?"

                "Shut up, Yo-*hic*"

                "Aww, Siberian's blushing. How cute!"  I said, pinching his cheek without taking my elbow off his shoulder.  Ken turned and glared at me.  Yeah, that'll work.  Being pissed just makes him cuter.  Maybe one of these days, I should ask him out.  We could go eat some chocolate Hello Panda cookies. Yay!  

                "Hiccups?" Omi asked, obviously confused.  

                 "Haven't you ever had the hiccups before, Omi?"  Another thought struck.  Can someone go their entire life without having the hiccups?  I wish I could've.  A lot of people, when they get the hiccups, tend to hiccup once every few seconds.  I hiccup about 4-5 times a day, every day.  If Ken's around when I do hiccup, he has to point it out.  Kinda gets annoying.  So this is my chance to get even.  Except it would seem that he had the normal case of the hiccups.  Damn.

                "I'm sure he has." Ken said, quickly. I noticed he was speaking faster than normal.  I think it's because he doesn't want to be interrupted.  *Hic*

                "I might have.  Aren't they hard to get rid of?"  Omi asked.

                "Not if you're Yohji." Ken grinned at me, and continued.  "He has them -*hic*" Now I grinned.  He frowned.  Heh, poor Ken.  Can't even make fun of me properly.

                "Actually, they're usually pretty easy to cure.  You could try looking up on the net for cures." Great, I just gave the kid an excuse to be on the computer all day. I mentally smacked myself on the head.  Now he'll never get off.  Not that he ever does anyway.  That kid has no life outside of his cyber-world.  I mean, except for the whole assassin thing.  And the shop.  Maybe I should include school.  Plus, he _does_ hang out with us whenever he can.  Okay. Maybe he's not a total computer nerd.  But he's pretty close.  

                "Good idea, Yohji-kun!"  Omi happily turned back to his one true love.  

                While Omi was distracted, I turned back to my elbow rest.  "You know Kenken," I said, ask I picked  my elbow off of his shoulder and began to run my hands down his sides.  "Some people say, that a good cure for the hiccups," Ken's eyes got really big when my hands slipped under his shirt and rested along the sides of his ribs. "Is a good, long," Heh, I had him totally freaked.  I leaned my head so my lips were inches from his ear and whispered, "tickling session."  What? I'm not a hentai.  Well, maybe I am, but there is no way I'd offer Ken sex with Omi in the room.  Granted, he probably wouldn't even notice, being as how he was on the computer, but still.  

                I began to tickle Ken.  He's really ticklish on the sides, so I kept at it.  I wondered what would happen if someone who was laughing really hard hiccupped.  I didn't have to think about it long, cause Ken hiccupped again.  While I was tickling him.  Not a good mix.  His eyes kinda bulged out and he started coughing.  He also leaned forward, so I did what was natural.  I grabbed onto him, and held him steady.  Heh, if I knew it was this easy to get Ken in my arms, I'd have tried this a long time ago.                  Finally, he caught his breath and leaned back away from me.  Damn. I would have liked that to last longer.  Oh well.  I saw that he was blushing again.  A loose strand of hair fell over his eyes.  I brushed it away and asked, "Are you alright?"  I asked, with genuine concern.  Strange coming outta me, but hell.  I really care about this guy.  

                "Yeah, I think so."  *hic*  He made a grunting sound after that hiccup.  I highly doubt it was an after effect of the hiccup.  It sounded more like a sound of annoyance.  

                "How's that searching going, Omi?" I yelled over my shoulder, looking away from Ken.

                "I found a few things... hang on a sec.  I'm gonna print them."  Omi turned to us and grinned.  "Then we can try them out on Ken-kun!"  He almost sounded too happy.  Evidently, Ken thought so as well, because I saw a little fear in his eyes before it turned to annoyance again as a result of another hiccup.

                "Omi, why do you *hic* have two copies?" Ken asked.

                "So Yohji-kun can have one to look at.  That way we can both help."  Omi grinned at me.  I grinned back, and turned to Ken with an evil look in my eyes.  

                "Do*hic* Arrg.  Do I get to look?" Dumb question.

                "Hell no.  If you look, then it won't work.  It's like, if you're trying to be scared, but you know you're gonna be scared, it doesn't work.  Get what I'm saying?"  I asked, trying to make sense.

                "Yeah." Ken sighed.  Then he hiccupped. 

                "All right. Let's go to the kitchen and try some of these." Omi said cheerfully and practically skipped out of the room.

                "That kid's got way too much energy." I said, skimming over the list Omi gave me.  Hmmm... one of the "cures" looked very promising to me.  But it'll have to be a last resort sorta thing.  Heh, hope none of the others will work.  I followed my friends to the kitchen.

                When I got there, Omi had a small bowl out and was busy mixing stuff in it. I was confused, none of the ideas involved mixing anything.  Ken was leaning against the counter, arms crossed, and looking a little scared.  

                "Watcha doin', chibi?" I asked, hoping he would give me a clear answer.

                "Mixing stuff."  Yep. Crystal clear.  I watched as Omi mixed some lemon juice with peanut butter in the bowl.

                "I don't remember this one being on the list, Omiitichi."  I had higher hopes for this approach.  

                "Well, Ken-kun seems to have a pretty bad case of the hiccups, so I figured I'd try a couple of cures at once."  He replied, spooning some sugar into the gloppy gook.  I looked over at Ken, and saw him grimace before hiccupping again.  Poor guy. 

                "Eh, you're gonna make him eat that?" I asked, hoping he'd say no for Ken's sake.

                "Yep.  I'm putting in all the stuff the cure list says to eat when you have the hiccups.  Peanut butter, sugar, lemon, honey, vinegar, and some habanero peppers if I can find any." Oh dear god.

                "I think that's enough, Omi.  Let's see if it'll work, without the peppers." Ooh, Ken'll owe me big on that one.  I looked over to him again, and caught him mouthing 'thank you' to me.  I smiled and winked at him before turning my attention back to Dr. Omi.  

                The small boy scooped up a huge spoonful and turned to Ken, who hiccupped.  "Here ya go, Ken-kun!"  He smiled, and handed the spoon to Ken.  The poor boy took it reluctantly, and sniffed it.  He made a face, and looked at Omi.

                "Do I have to?"  He asked after a hiccup.  I seriously thought he was about to cry.  Omi nodded to answer, and Ken sighed.  He took a small bite.  Good thing he was standing right in front of the sink, cause he needed it.  

                "Ken!" I ran over to him and put a hand on his shoulder, to hold him steady.  I know all too well that when you're puking, sometimes your legs disappear for a bit.  It's not fun.  Good-bye legs, hello toilet bowl. Those things hurt!  Maybe that only happens when you're drunk.  I dunno. Anyway, the idea was that I was there to help him if he needed it.  When Ken seemed to be done, I let go of him and reached for a glass. I filled it with water and offered it to him.  Panting a little, he took it and chugged it down, after rinsing his mouth out a bit.  

                "Well, if the mixture didn't work, perhaps the puking and water did."  I said when Ken was all done.  I looked at Omi, who was scraping the bowl out into the trash.  

                "I'm sorry, Ken-kun.  I probably shouldn't have tried to rush things."  He smiled sheepishly at us.  

                "That's all right, Omi. I think it might have worked, anyway."  Ken said.  He smiled and started to fill up the glass with water again, and then it happened.

                He hiccupped.  

                "Aww, damnit." He said, turning around.  He sighed and then hiccupped again.  I almost smiled. My idea could still be tried.  Ken made a noise of annoyance and slid down the side of the counter so he was sitting on the floor with the counter to his back.

                "Well, let's try some of the other things." Omi said, trying to sound helpful.

                I glanced at the list again.  Hmm... breath through a wet washcloth.  Sounded easy enough.  I told Ken and he agreed.  Omi got a washcloth from the linen closet and tossed it to me.  It landed about five feet away from me.  I grabbed it and got it wet.  Ken took it from me and covered his face with it.  He hiccupped through it, and tried to breath normally.  After about five minutes, we gave up that idea.  

                "I could punch you in the stomach."  I offered.  Ken looked at me with half open eyes.

                "Only if you have a knife *hic* in your fist."  He replied.  

                "Well, we could have you picture something scary."  Omi suggested.  "It might be less painful."

                "Alright.  What should *hic* I think about?"  Ken asked, sounding a little interested.

                "Um... how about Farfello?  He's pretty scary."  As Omi suggested this, an image entered my mind. I don't know why, but whenever I'm feeling like crap, or like I'm worthless or something, I always picture this image.  It makes me feel better about myself.  I tried offering it to Ken.

                "Not just Farfello, but picture Farfello in a bikini, trying to look sexy.  Or if you want something really scary, picture him in a thong."  I suggested, enjoying the look of pure horror on both of their faces.  

                The room got really, really quiet.  Was it something I said?  After a few moments, the now familiar 'Hic' sound came out of Ken's mouth.  

                "Man, I thought that'd work." I said, walking over to the table where Ken and Omi were sitting.  I pulled out the chair next to Ken, swirled it around, and straddled it.  Resting my hand and hands on the back of the chair, I looked at Omi.  "Now what?"

                Omi shook off his shock and sighed.  Wow, try saying that three times fast.  Heh, I crack myself up.  

                Ken folded his arms on the table and dropped his head onto them.  He hiccupped and whined, "I'm never gonna get rid of 'em."  

                I realized my first idea was still do-able.  "I got another idea.  Omi, you got Aya's cell number right?"  He nodded.  "Good.  Do you think you could call him real quick and ask him to pick me up some Men's Pocky? Ooh, and see if he could get some chocolate Hello Panda cookies."  He looked surprised at my request, so I added, "Don't' worry, it's to help Ken.  Thanks!"  

                "Sure!" Omi got up and left the room.

                Ken still had his head resting on his arms.  I stood up and reached around his upper torso, pulling him to a standing position.  "What now?" He asked.  I've never seen the guy so glum.  He wouldn't even look at me.  He kept looking down and to the side.  When he hiccupped, I could barely hear it, cause he had his mouth closed.  Well, I'd have to do something about that.

                I put one hand on his shoulder, and lifted his head with the other.  He looked at me with almost no emotion in his eyes.  I always thought his eyes were beautiful, but right now they just looked pretty.  Gah, that sounds so mushy.  Bare with me people.  

                I smiled down at him, and prepared myself.  I'd been waiting for an excuse to do what I was about to do for a long time.  Damnit Ken, why do you have to be so damn beautiful?  I leaned in and tilted my head to the side a little so as to not crunch his nose with mine.  That's not fun.  Yes, it's happened to me before.  That's why I never kiss anyone who's drunker than me.  They don't care if they smash your nose in.  

                I expected Ken to flinch or try to escape me, but he didn't.  I took the opportunity to wrap my arms around his body and pull him closer.  I think he understood why I sent Omi off then.  I opened my eyes a bit and peeked at Ken's face.  That's one of the fun things about kissing someone.  You can tell a lot about the person and their feelings by their expression during a kiss.  

                Boy was I surprised to find Ken's eyes shut.  Not squeezed shut like he was disgusted, but more like he was... relaxed.  I was focusing so much on his face that I didn't even pay attention to his lips.  Damn, I need to learn to multitask better.  I was doubly surprised to find he was tentatively returning the kiss.   I smiled into the kiss and pulled back.  

                Ken opened his eyes and looked at me, no longer emotionless.  I saw confusion in there, but also... happiness.  He opened his mouth to say something, but I know an opportunity when I see one.  I dove in again for another kiss.  It was a little more formal, this time.  Open mouth, little bit of tongue, nothing major.  Ken learns quick.  He even put his arms around my neck.  I was happy that he did not seem to be rejecting my actions.  That meant a lot to me.  

                We pulled apart again, both breathing a little hard.  I raised an eyebrow and asked, "Well, did it work?"  We waited for almost a three whole minutes, and no hiccup.

                "I-I.. I think it did." Ken said, smiling.  Our arms were still around each other, and I pulled him in and hugged him.  I think we both knew I wasn't just talking about hiccups.

                "Yohji!!  Aya says you owe him for the cookies!"  Omi's voice rang through the kitchen door from down the hallway.  

                "So he got them?" I asked, not looking away from Ken's chocolate eyes.

                "Yeah.  He bought several boxes." Omi said, still in the other room.

                "Thanks Omi!"  

                So Ken and I are an item now.  It's nice.  Who knew something as annoying as hiccups could be so rewarding?  Eh, now I have everything I ever wanted.  Plus chocolate Hello Panda cookies to eat with him.  I was right. Ken and I do have a lot in common.  He's not only my best friend and lover, he's my soul mate.

~Fin~  


End file.
